i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
