Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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