he thought i was a dude.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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