Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
