Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.†I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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