I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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