too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
