Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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