somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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