I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
