so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
