I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
