then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
