So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
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