there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
