Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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