Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
