It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
