:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
