just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
