shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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