we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
