At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
