i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
