Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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