Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
