I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
