New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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