Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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