i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
