he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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