Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
