After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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