woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
