6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
