Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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