i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
