There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
