i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize