kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
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