he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
