How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
