Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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