I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
