i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
