3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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