yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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