Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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