You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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