tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
