At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
