people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
