kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Welp...herpes.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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