I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
