and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
