So drunk its hurt
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
