it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
