; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm bleeding and have questions
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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