i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
