highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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