moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
