Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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