help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
pray to the hookup gods
Randomize
