You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
