I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
