That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
