What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
