and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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