chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You have to summon your inner elephant
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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